Ahhhh, Valentine’s Day…

Posted on by Krystal

Valentine’s Day is almost upon us, and I can’t help but realize, like every other area of my life, Valentine’s Day has changed drastically since having children.  

Allow me to demonstrate:

BK (before kids):  

You get super excited when you glimpse at your calendar (filled with lots of fun, grown up-like events) and notice that Valentine’s Day is coming up!  Oh for soothe! (Or something.). You can’t wait to spend the day with your love and relish in how much you enjoy each other’s company.  It’s going to be so much fun!

AK (after kids):

Oh hell.  Valentine’s Day is like, three days away!  You didn’t notice between the school meetings and play dates.  But there it is.  Did you pick up Valentines yet for the class?  How many kids are in the class?  Are they doing that this year?  Is there a class party you have to show up to?  Your kid doesn’t know either.  Awesome.  Did you discuss any plans with your other half?  Are you getting each other anything this year?  Why are there holidays?  Aren’t regular days enough?

BK:

DAYS before, you start the grooming process for the big day.  You’re waxing and shaving various areas.  You need to make sure you have that certain perfume that drives him crazy.  What are you going to wear?  Whatever.  You’ll get an entirely new outfit.  It’s a special occasion after all!  You make an appointment for the salon that morning so your mani, pedi, and hair look amazing.  You smile to yourself while trying out different make up looks in the mirror and wonder if life could be any sweeter.  

AF:

Valentine’s Day.  Like, the actual day of.  Is everyone bathed?  Have they at least bathed recently?  Did you brush your hair and teeth this morning?  Better make sure you do that.  You don’t have to shave. Gweneth Paltrow said so.  

BK:

You’ve picked out the most amazing gift for your other half!  It’s wrapped like in belongs in a window display and you are dying, DYING to give it to them.  They’re going to be so excited.  And you know how great they are at giving gifts too.  What is it this year?  Diamonds?  A new car with a bow on it?  Your own ISLAND!?  Who knows?  You don’t!  AH!  You love love!

AK:

You hand your significant other the generic box of chocolates you remembered to pick up at the last minute.  They might have thanked you, but you can’t hear them over the sounds of children asking to try some of YOUR chocolate, even though they definitely got their own.  You turn your back for a minute, and that giant gaudy heart you received is filled only with wrappers.  Magical.  

BK:

You’re in the car, listening to Boys II Men, and gazing longingly at each other.  Your love surprised you by getting reservation months in advance to some swanky, dark little restaurant that charges illegal organs for a main course.  But it’s ok,  what else do you have to spend money on?  You hold hands across the table, while sharing a dessert and staring into the dark pools of each other’s eyes.  This is so great.  

AK:

You head to whatever chain restaraunt that  isn’t completely swamped with people.  You still have to wait an eternity to get seated.  If you have to tell the kids to stop hitting each other one more time…oh thank God, the table is ready.  You go through the the regular dinner time motions (begging people to eat, negotiating, threatening, listening to conversations entirely based around video games and tv shows you don’t even understand) all while feeling SUPER conscious of the fact that everyone in your immediate vicinity is childless.  And annoyed with you.  In fact, your pretty sure that one couple left before their drinks even came to the table.  Whatever.  Jerks.  

BK:

You finish dinner and race home to the…main event.  

I don’t feel like that needs further explanation.  

AK:

You finally manage to get everyone into the car and wonder if these little heathans will ever sleep tonight after the copious amounts of candy they ate.  Once you get home and make sure everyone is dreaming sweetly, you pass out promptly on the couch.  If you’re lucky, you aren’t snoring.  (You aren’t lucky.)

And I know what some of you are thinking: “Why not get someone to watch the kids?”

And you can do that, but let’s face it, you’re just going to spend the whole time talking about how much you miss them.  

Update:  I’m Lazy

Posted on by Krystal

Seriously though.  I can’t seem to get my butt in gear this week.  I’ve had about 2039840293784 things on the agenda and maybe accomplished, oh, 3 of them.  Anyone else?

Anyway, I figured since I didn’t tackle any of the big things I’ve had planned from this blog so far this week, I’d at least stop by with a little update.  

As I mentioned before, we took Slugger off his meds a little over a month ago now.  There have been some changes, and I thought this was as good a place as any to think them out and put them on “paper”.  Plus, you know, I like you guys.  

So the pros:

I have heard more genuine laughter from Slugger the last couple of weeks than I’ve heard in a while.  Like goofy, belly laughs.  

We’ve been able to joke around a little, which is hard sometimes because he is SO literal.  Like, sarcasm.  I embrace it.  He doesn’t understand sarcasm and gets really upset with me some times.  Whoops.  

BIggest pro?  No more meds.  Duh.

The Cons:

There is really only one HUGE con.  Slugger seems to think that because he isn’t on his medication anymore he now has free reign to act like a fool.  And I don’t mean the goofy stated above.  I mean blatant disrespect and disregard for everyone around him.  More so than the usual.  Now, how do I know this isn’t a side effect?  Well, his meds were for his FOCUS.  Not BEHAVIOR.  

So I have a feeling, in his head, he thinks that he can blame any and all indiscretions on the fact that we are no longer medicating him, when in fact, the issues we are having are completely unrelated.  Ahhhh, kids.  They’re great.

But on another note, we finally got our new oil blend in and I’m hoping this at least assists in Slugger’s anger issues.  I will say, I made the mistake of diffusing it during homework time yesterday.  Never. Again.  Talk about letting the flood gates open.  We are going to have to use this one with caution.  So there’s that. 

I’m super excited because we are going to be trying a supplement for Slugger next month.  Even though his go to blend, Brain Power, seems to be working well for him (when he feels like actually doing work!) I figured the added boost of a supplement couldn’t hurt.  I’ll be trying it as well because, ummm, who couldn’t use some assistance with their continuities function, am I right?  More on that though when it comes in.  

Any way, I’m going to go try to be productive.  Then I can actually present something interesting to you folks.  So hang in there.  It’s coming.  I think. Maybe.  

Hair We Go 

Posted on by Krystal

I thought it would be fun to showcase a serious lack of ability I have.  Dealing with hair.  I’m awful.  I’m the person who can French braid my own hair, but heaven forbid you ask me to recreate it on some one else’s head.  I just cannot.  

Pixie has always been a very strong willed child when it comes to her sense of fashion, and I’m not surprised this included her hair as well.  She will dictate exactly what she wants done (or not done) to her hair.  Typically we get a lot of “I need Elsa hair today.”  So I thought it would be fun to switch it up.  

Pixie and I sat down and started looking through some hair styles, because I knew damn well I wasn’t touching her head with out her pre approving the hairstyle we were attempting.  So today, she picked the infamous Lady Gaga hair bow.  Seems simple enough, right?

I found a pretty simple tutorial here:

http://www.cutegirlshairstyles.com/hairstyles/time/5-10mins/lady-gaga-hair-bow-video-hairstyles/
Cutegirlhairstyles.com 

Pixie should just live there.  

But anyway, this is what we started out with:

  
Pardon my depressing back drop and lack of natural light, but it’s about 18 degrees out and we weren’t taking this show outside.  So as you can see, I wet Pixie’s hair a little before we started.  This is usually necessary anyway, because she has the curliest, wispiest, baby hair.  It’s beautiful when it’s down and allowed to dry naturally.  I would kill for her hair.  Except for the fact that it is nearly IMPOSSIBLE to get up.  It just flies everywhere.  

So before I reveal our attempt, I should clarify that I really took about 10 minutes on this.  Maybe I could have done better given more time, but find a four year old, start messing with their hair and see how happy they are after a few minutes.  Spoiler alert:  they don’t like it.  

Also, I’m sure hair spray would help tremendously, but seeing as I don’t own any (like, this just shows, I DON’T do hair) we had to wing it.  

Alright.  The unveiling.

   
 
Tada!  It kind of resembels a bow?  Enough so that Pixie was happy with it.  I wish I could have gotten it higher on her head, but trying to see what I was doing and asking her repeatedly to stop moving her head may have prevented that.  Maybe.  

All in all, I think this was fairly easy would probably look great with a little effort thrown in.  Also curly hair isn’t your friend here.  When it came to bringing the ends over the bow to “tie” it, those little hairs just didn’t want to be tamed.  

She likes it and she’s happy.  So that’s what matters right?  

Tune in next time to see how badly I can screw it up again.  Well not this hair do.  A different one.  You get it.  

Hair we go!

Exciting Announcement!

Posted on by Krystal

So, I was originally going to work on graphics for a different post today, but seeing as I can’t find my bobby pins (be worried) and Young Living made an awesome announcement today, plans changed.  

I’m going to keep this short and sweet.  Young Living announced a new product line today called the “Vitality” line.  

   
 
Now why is this exciting?  

This line is strictly dietary oils.  Same quality oils with a different, easy to distinguish label.  No more guessing as to whether or not an oil is safe for consumption.  These are especially awesome for those new to oils.  Again, no guess work.  This makes oil use safer and more effective.  Granted, you should still practice safe usage.  Just because they are safe to ingest doesn’t mean you should abuse them.  Typically, a drop’ll do ya.  Which means these bottles last. 

These oils are being released, to the best of my knowledge, in 5ml bottles only.  This is great news.  Why?  Well this means you’re getting these oils at a super reasonable price point.  Frankincense.  IN A 5ML BOTTLE.  You don’t have to break the bank anymore.  I know I have been babying the Frank that came with my starter kit, because I knew it would be pricey to replace.  Not. Any. More. 

Also, 5ml bottles are a great “on the go size”.  Wants to flavor your water while running errands?  Just pop one of these in your purse or pocket and you are good to go.

Am I over the moon about this new line?  You betcha.  

The Nitty Gritty

Posted on by Krystal

Ok ladies and gents. I’ve already covered a little bit of how I got started with essential oils, so today I’d like to address a pretty big WHY that gets asked about often.  I’ve had more than a few people ask me why I use Young Living specifically.

“Aren’t they expensive?”

“Aren’t they a multi-level marketing company?”

“Can’t I just get some oils at the grocery store?”

Let me explain. Just. Let. Me.

I know a lot of people are immediately turned off by multi-level marketing. You immediately think of pushy sales people, trying to recruit every single person they ever said hello to, making up lies like “Oh my goodness! I finally have an opening on my team and I think you’d be perfect for it!” We all know that’s not true. We all know they could sign up 24 people a day if they wanted. If they could find willing participants.

I had all these thoughts at first as well. Trust me. I had failed once selling a certain cosmetic line that may sound like Hairy Fey. And I won’t lie when I say I felt a little dirty try to pander something that I didn’t really believe in. I liked their product, but did I really feel like it was the best out there? No. Certainly not. And this is why I bowed out gracefully and a little more poor than when I started.

So again, I wasn’t thrilled.

Now, here is where a little research got me over that hump.

I knew pretty instantly that I wanted a distributor account. I knew that if I was going to do this, I wanted it to “be a thing” and I wanted to be dedicated. And I wanted a discount. (Of course). Now this is typically how other companies suck you in. You want a discount, but you have to spend $30348028520 on product a month to keep your account. (Maybe a SLIGHT exaggeration.) And you HAVE to be “working the business”. So. Much. Pressure. And if you don’t have a large social circle willing to spend money, you’re buying a ridiculous amount of product that you just don’t need and can’t use. It’s a waste.

With Young Living, you only need to spend $50 A YEAR to keep your account active after purchasing your starter kit. And there’s no business unless you want to sell. You just have an account, with a discount. No pressure. No one yelling “Sell, sell, sell!”

After learning this, I raised an eyebrow, took a mental note, probably nodded and said “Hmmm”.

But there’s more.

Young Living has been in business for 22 years. They are largely responsible for the introduction of essential oils to the American public. I think it goes without saying that after 22 years, they must be doing a thing or two right. And they are.

Young Living prides themselves in something they call “Seed to Seal”. What the heck is that, right? Well, allow me.

Young Living owns all their own farms and crops. Everything they sell to public has been handled strictly by them through that entire process. From the moment they plant the seed into the ground to the moment they put the oil in the bottle and label it, no one else has their hands in their oils. This ensures they are pure and have not been tampered with. Their crops are grown organically so you can ensure that you aren’t slathering yourself in pesticides along with your lavender. They cold press and steam distill everything themselves to ensure they get the best quality oil out of each plant.

In fact, this is part of the reason the cost is higher than the bottles you might find on Amazon or in your local grocery store. Young Living is so committed to the quality of their oils, that only about 30% of their crops actually get bottled as essential oil. Anything that isn’t up to par is used as fertilizer and natural insect repellant for their crops. Call me crazy, but this is a HUGE selling point for me. I want to know I’m getting quality. I want to know what I’m using. I want to know that everything has been done the best way possible with no harmful chemicals before I start using anything on my family.

The coolest part? As a distributor, you can actually go to the farms yourself and help with the process. Nothing to hide. I like that.

Ok, so we’ve covered why they’re a little pricier than others. And though I’m ok with paying for quality, maybe you aren’t. And hey, that’s cool. I don’t know if I get it, but you do you. The cool thing here is that there are definitely incentives for having an account with Young Living that off set some of the costs. There is a monthly auto ship program called “Essential Rewards”. You voluntarily sign up and can cancel at anytime while still keeping your account open. You get a shipment each month (that you choose and edit as you see fit) and you get a percentage of that order back in points to use on product. There are also monthly promotions for free product if you spend over a certain amount. And need I repeat, this is without having to “do the business”. This is just for having an account. That’s all.

Young Living also has the largest inventory and variety of oils because of their farms located all over the world. They offer more single oils and blends than any other company on the market. And because they’re pure, you’ll never see “fragrance oils”. Fragrance oils are just that. For smelling. No health benefits. In some cases they’re synthetic and manufactured to smell like what you think a plant SHOULD smell like. No thank you.

Now the easiest way to see why I’ve chosen Young Living? Buy a bottle of, say, lemon. Then buy a bottle of lemon from somewhere else. Any where else. I’m that confidant. Not only will they not smell the same, but I can almost guarantee you will not the same benefits from the other company’s bottle as you do from the bottle of Young Living. Prove me wrong.

Also if you’d like more info on the “Seed to Seal” process, check this out.

https://www.youngliving.com/en_US/discover/seed-to-seal

Pretty cool stuff.

I hope I’ve maybe answered some questions. If there’s anything I left out, or you’d like to know more about, please leave a comment below.

Also! Don’t forget about the Thieves Household Cleaner giveaway! Information for that is posted in the “Out With the Old’ post. Let me give you free things!! Enter!

Out With the Old…

Posted on by Krystal

Ok. So I have to admit that when I sat down to plan this post, I didn’t think I had much to work with. I wanted to talk about the changes taking place in our home and honestly only thought there were two or three things that I had to cover.   I started by making a list of all the products I had “replaced” over the last couple of months and was shocked with what was in front of me.

Let me start by saying, I’m the type of person who hates anything that involves more than one step. I am lazy. So, so lazy. If you had approached me and said something along the lines of “Do you have any idea what is in X, Y, and Z?!  You need to find alternatives for all of those!” I would have rolled my eyes, made a “pshhht” sound, and told you that’s exhausting. So suffice to say, I’m not here to preach. I’m not her to tell you what you need to do.  But know this, if I can get rid of these things and substitute healthier things without even trying, imagine what I could do if I WASN’T so lazy!

So in all its glory, here is my list.  This isn’t even the ENTIRE list. I had to leave somethings off because I don’t need the FDA handing me my rear end. Anyway. Here it is.

I have replaced:

Shaving cream

Shampoo

Conditioner

Laundry detergent

Fabric softener

Dryer sheets

Most every single cleaning product

Deodorant

Face cleanser

Soap

Moisturizer

Air fresheners

Perfume

And that my friends is the list.

Some of you are probably terrified about how the nasty sponge comes into play. And if you don’t know about the nasty sponge, go like my Facebook fan page, you false friend, you. I mean, please?

Now. Let’s start there since it’s as good as any place.

thieves household cleaner
I have been using the Thieves Household Cleaner for a couple of months. No more bleach. No more windex. No more anything. Just the Thieves cleaner.  Now the novelty here, aside from the fact that I love the smell, is that this bottle is super concentrated. I use one capful in a 16 ounce spray bottle. That’s it. This will last me forever.

I used to believe the only way to clean my shower was to slowly kill myself with bleach.  I would finish scrubbing and my lungs would be on fire from the fumes.  Not anymore. This cleaner is all natural and plant based. I wish I had thought to take a before and after, but I didn’t.

Which leads to the sponge.

I’m ashamed to say, I have never cleaned my oven. Never. It just didn’t cross my mind. So when it did finally cross my mind, it was the stuff of nightmares in there. Just. Terrible. And then another lightbulb went off and I thought “This is an awesome opportunity to show that I’m not crazy and this stuff works!”  So I busted out the Thieves Cleaner and some baking soda and went to town.

image
The before. Ugh.
image
Immediately after wiping down the door.

imageThe after. The little white specks were some cleaner that hadn’t wiped off yet. Deal. All in all, it came out much better than I expected it would! Win.

Looking at the rest of this list, you’d imagine I would be pretty stinky. Not so. I promise. If anything, I might just smell less.

I stopped using store bought shampoo and conditioner because my hair was suffering. Between my ridiculously hard water and the sulfate in the shampoos, my hair was so dry and unhappy it was literally trying to form dreadlocks. Which would be cool if I was even remotely confident enough for that journey, but I’m not. Nope.

So, I switched out my shampoo for some baking soda. I just use it on my scalp to get rid of any built up oils. Then I use apple cider vinegar, tea tree oil, and lavender oil in a spray bottle all over to “condition” my hair. Finish with some argon oil on just the ends and brush through. Done and done. My hair is so much more manageable and has awesome texture that I was losing to frizz previously. And no, it doesn’t smell like vinegar when I’m done.

I’ve started making my own soap, which is pretty much a whole body soap, but it works wonders for my face. Seriously. Baby smooth. Goats milk soap base with some lavender, vetiver, patchouli, frankincense, tea tree, Roman Chammomile, and coconut oil.  I follow up with a moisturizer made with Shea butter, coconut oil, bees wax, frankincense, lavender, geranium, and tea tree. It’s a good time and I’m never looking back.

Now, the deodorant, that was not intentional. And I can’t say that I’ve replaced  it.   I just. Stopped. Using. It. I don’t know why or what happened, but I suddenly realized that it had been quite sometime since I’d used any. And I didn’t smell. Maybe my body naturally detoxed or something. No idea. Sorry I can’t be helpful there.

My laundry in another area that I’m super excited about. I switched from my usual detergent to the Thieves Laundry soap.


Thought it smells great in th bottle, it doesn’t contain any perfumes, so my clothes at left smelling like nothing. Which nothing is still clean. My hubs is a mechanic. If his clothes weren’t clean, you would definitely know. The beautiful thing about this laundry soap is that once again, it’s natural. Our previous detergent was causing my husband to break out in awful rashes anywhere his clothing rubbed. Not. Any. More.

I pair the laundry soap with my homemade fabric softener. I keep this bad boy in a mason jar and use it with my good old downy ball. It’s mostly white vinegar, with a tiny bit of alcohol, topped off with a few drops of Theives oil and Young Living’s Purification oil blend.  No crusty rough clothes here.

It then throw everything in the dryer with some woo dryer balls dabbed in whatever essential oil I feel like usin that day. And everything smells amazing.

Air fresheners have been replaced with oils. Perfume. Oils. Everything. Oils.

There’s a theme here.

If you’ve stuck with me through all this, I want to help you be excited about cleaning as well. What does this mean?  Well, you have options.

If you would like to purchase any of the oils or products mentioned, you can do so here:

https://www.youngliving.com/vo/#/signup/start?sponsorid=2951260&enrollerid=2951260&isocountrycode=US&isolanguagecode=en&type=member

OR

If you use that link to purchase a Premimum Starter Kit (it’s awesome) I will send you a bottle of the Thieves Houseld Cleaner. Free.  I’m leaving this open until the end of January.

OR

GIVEAWAY!

Ok. Here it goes.

For each friend you send over to my Facebook fan page, you will earn one entry to win a bottle of the Thieves Cleaner. They have to like the page and leave a post letting me know you referred them. I’ll even be extra nice and throw an entry in for them as well.   You can also earn an extra entry by signing up for my newsletter using the newletter tab on the fanpage. Entries everywhere! I will leave this open until next Sunday, January 23rd.(Editing to say I’m and idiot. That is not next Sunday. It’s actually the following Saturday. More chances for everyone!) I don’t want you guys to wait forever. Waiting sucks.

So there you have it. If there’s anything in today’s post that you want to know more about, or maybe want the full recipe  for, leave a comment and I’ll make that happen!

Good luck!

The Oils in the Oils Monster 

Posted on by Krystal

  So, for someone who calls them self the “oils monster” I haven’t spoken very much about these oils. 

This isn’t going to get preachy. I promise. Just follow me here. 

When I had first heard about these weird essential oils, I was mildly interested at the very most. I didn’t quite understand what they were or what I would even need them for.  The only oils I’d had any experience with were synthetic perfume quality oils. And yeah, I appreciated a good patchouli or sandalwood (because let’s face it, I’m a hippy at heart) but again, I didn’t really understand. I don’t know that I cared to, either. 

So fast forward just a tiny bit. When Pixie was born, I embraced my inner hippie harder than ever and decided since I was slightly more confident in my mothering abilities, I was going to do what felt right to me and not worry about the excessive eye rolling. I didn’t birth her in a cave or anything crazy. Don’t worry. But I did decide to handle my role as a mother a little differently than I had with Slugger. This meant baby wearing, extended breast feeding, cloth diapering… All that crazy. Now doing this opened my world to a different group of women with ideas and mom hacks that blew my mind. Here I was introduced to the voodoo magic that is coconut oil. And here’s where I started to peer into the mouth of the rabbit hole. 

So fast forward more. My enabler bestie and I started talking about these essential oils and maybe giving them a try. We’d heard good things. All over the place. In fact, it seemed like we were stumbling on essential oil references all over the “mom” community. We discussed the many options out there and both agreed on Young Living, for many reasons. 

So she took the plunge. 

And true to our fashion, about a month later, so did I. 

Now let me clarify. I was excited by her excitement. We are generally the same person so I knew if she was using these and enjoying them, I probably would too. I figured if absolutely nothing else they would smell good. I like things that smell good. Win. 

So, there I was, opening this huge box containing things I barely understood.  (Because why just buy one bottle?) I remember thinking there was no way I would use all of this. Eleven bottles of oils?  Some of them didn’t even smell good to me. I tried to tuck away my pessimistic side and roll with the punches. 

It wasn’t instant love. At least I don’t think it was. It was more determination.  I wanted nothing more than to find out whether or not these oils were worth the hype.  I thought I saw results. And second guessed myself. Because the things they were doing for my family and I seriously sounded too good to be true anytime I tried to share my experiences with anyone. I didn’t want to be that person spouting ridiculous claims. I didn’t want to sound like a sales person. 

We’ve reached a point now where it’s all I can do not to explode with crazy passion and scream “You have to try these!” at every person I see. I’m holding it in. Just know this friends and family, if I could slather you all in oils freely, I would. 

This all brings me to my point, I hope to include some more posts about our oils and how we’re using them. I solemnly swear not to sugar coat or oversell. For instance, one of my favorites blends, DiGize, smells horrendous. Awful. But I use it nearly everyday because of how well it works for me. I hate the smell a little less, but not enough to tell you it smells good. 

Cross my heart I’ll be honest and open and do my best to shed some light where I can. Keep your eyes peeled. 

Things I Never Thought I’d Say Out Loud (especially in public)

Posted on by Krystal
never thought i would say

I haven’t dropped off the face of the earth, though it certainly seems like I have.  We have been running around like crazy people the last couple of weeks and in the fray, my laptop charger decided it no longer wanted to do it’s job.  Facebook ever so kindly informed me that it has been eleven days since I’ve posted anything on the Oils Monster page.  So here I am.  Assuring you I’m alive.

On that note, Pixie just recently turned four this past weekend.  I don’t know how this happened, or when time decided to speed up, but in honor of her birthday I’ve compiled a slightly nonsensical list of things I never thought I’d have to say.  This list is a tiny representation of the absolutely insane things that I have found NECESSARY to say.  I should point that out.  I don’t say these things just because they’re funny.  Like, there has actual been an occasion to say each of these.  Ponder that.

So, without further ado, prepare yourself to question my entire life.  Here we go.

Stop eating the dog/cat food.  (I say this A LOT)

No, eggs don’t change color in the fishtanks like Easter eggs.  See?  They’re all still white.

We don’t eat toilet paper…

You can’t show your pee-pee to everyone…

We don’t color on our teeth.

No, if you shoot me, I won’t come back to life.

Why is the dog in the dresser drawer?  (I’ve had to ask this more than once.  Not awesome.)

No, we can’t name the baby “Sausages” or “Spongebob”.  (Good thing Slugger didn’t get final say on Pixie’s name…)

Please don’t keep chapstick in your underwear.

Well, now that you put that candy in your underwear, I guess we have to buy it.  But you still can’t eat it. (Yeah, I’ve said this.  Checking out at Staples.  It was just as awkward as you imagine it.)

Your underwear is not a substitute for pockets! (Gee, wonder why I had to say that.)

We don’t hit people with dinosaurs.

You can’t ride in the washer machine.

Please put that down.  It’s a urinal cake. (Uh huh.  Yup.)

No, I’m pretty sure bears don’t eat cars.  (Just pretty sure.  Not certain.)

Please don’t wash the cat.

No, no one turned Jesus into a statue.  It’s just a statue.  Of Jesus. (Pixie was incredibly concerned about this one…)

Pantyhose aren’t pants.  I can see your underwear.  And it’s on wrong.

And everyone, gag with me:

Please stop eating the cat’s hair!

Now of course this list isn’t all inclusive.  I’m sure there are plenty of ridiculous things I’ve blocked from my memory to preserve my own sanity.  Any fun ones you’d like to add??  Leave them in the comments.  You know, so I can feel like this is normal.