My Secret Stress Relief

OK. So I’ve sat on this blog post for way too long only because I wasn’t confident in the fact that other people would be interested in this. But here goes anyway because the more I sat and thought about it, I was holding onto something that could help others and not sharing that seemed wrong.  Be prepared for some “woo woo” stuff right now.  You’ve been warned.

So the last blog post I talked about how 2018 has kind of been the worst year ever. And throughout the last eight months I’ve had a lot of people ask me how I didn’t spend that entire time completely freaking out. And trust me it wasn’t easy. But here it goes.

I’ve never been a particularly religious person.  Let me just throw that out there.  Where others would turn to a higher power to help them through a hard time, I never really felt like that was my jam. Instead, I am the type of person who likes to give my brain something else to do and something else to think about. So I decided that I would learn a new hobby, as complicated as that seems during such an intense period of my life. But I’ve talked before about how I am the queen of putting things off and sometimes that’s just how I keep from freaking out.

So during this particularly rough period of time I decide to do what I always do and give my brain something else to focus on. And honestly this kind of came out of the blue and wasn’t something that I had put a whole lot of thought into. But I decided that I was going to take up Tarot card reading. And I didn’t think it was something funny to take up or a cool party trick. I always found it particularly interesting and wondered if it was something that anyone could do or if you had to have any particular “abilities”.

Long story short, I was ill informed about what went into Tarot.

Regardless, I got myself a deck and started researching the heck out of this really cool (what do we even call it?) past time.

Now, know that I had no intention of falling into this stuff so hard.  None.  I just thought it was interesting and sooooo many people are so fascinated with divination for obvious reasons.  I think we all want to be able to peek behind the veil from time to time.  However, Tarot kind of had other plans for me, and soon I found myself head over heels in love with this awesome skill set I had learned.

Also, finding out that my essential oils went hand in hand with Tarot and crystal energies was an added bonus.  Because let’s be honest, I love my oils and what girl doesn’t love pretty rocks?

If I went into details here, you’d think I was crazy.  I’d think I was crazy.  I started to have experiences right away with these cards that made me think that maybe, just maybe this was a path I was meant to take.  The things that were coming up were just too big to be coincidences.  And I sat on this information for months because I was afraid of sounding like I had gone off the deep end.  Like, how do you even begin to tell people that you’re having conversations with your dead relative through a set of fancy looking playing cards?  Yeah.  Now you see my dilemma.  It.  Sounds.  Nuts.

Regardless, I eventually came clean with those closest to me and believe me, I expected a thorough talking to about how this was all nonsense and the Devil’s work and how I need to not mess with things I don’t understand.  BUT, that was not at all what happened.  My grandmother casually told me

“Oh, I believe you.  My grandmother used to read Tarot…”

WHAT.  Where was this cool tidbit before?

Not to mention, I discovered that my great-grandmother on my father’s side was a cartomancer as well.  She read playing cards in a similar fashion to Tarot.

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I mean, how beautiful is this deck?

So here I was thinking that this time, my family would surely disown me for my weirdness, but in reality, this is something that ran in the under current of my DNA all along.  How friggin cool.

So, now I’m at a place where, yes I am still growing and learning (tarot is one of those things where the learning is never really done) but I’m now fairly confidant in my abilities to read for myself and others.  I’ve been reading just about anyone who walks in my door (if they want to of course) and I’ve learned somethings about what Tarot is and isn’t.  At least to me.

Let’s start with what it ISN’T

First of all, Tarot isn’t something that is limited to ladies in comical halloween costumes or those with “psychic” abilities.

Anyone can read Tarot.  Just like any other skill set, some will be better than others, but it is incredibly inclusive and obtainable if you’re willing to put in the work and time.

Tarot isn’t “evil”

There is nothing intrinsically evil about a bunch of cards.  The messages in the cards are complex.  There’s darkness and light in every card.  Yes, even Death.

The cards aren’t the be all end all

Listen, I know we all want to know how the story plays out, but the cards are not giving you information that is DEFINITE.  Things change, situations are fluid based on your choices. You write your story.  Period.

 

Now, what it IS to me…

Tarot is like therapy

Tarot is like sitting down and talking things out with your best friend.  The cards are only going to tell you so much and how you interpret them is solely based on how your thought process works.  So for example, if you sit down to the cards and they say “something is coming to an end to make way for a new beginning.” and you say “Oh!  That’s talking about my relationship!”  The cards didn’t say that.  You did.  But maybe you knew that relationship was on it’s way out and the cards are simply giving you another way to look at the situation.  It’s way more psychological than psychic.

 

So, if this isn’t your jam, I completely understand.  I do.  But you might be surprised once you give it a chance.  ♥

What are your thoughts on divination?  Have you had a reading?  Would you like one?  How would we all feel about maybe doing some card pulls during Facebook Live?  Sound off in the comments and let me know!

 

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The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly…

Ok, so if you’re reading this post looking for Clint Eastwood, than I’m terribly sorry he isn’t here.  You may leave now.

 

Still here?  Good.  Hi there.  I’m back.  Again.  Consistency is definitely not my middle name.  But life has been a bit of a roller coaster here and I’m still recuperating in a lot of ways.

If you’re tired of my excuses and really don’t care where I’ve been, this is now YOUR turn to duck out along with the Clint Eastwood fans.

So where to start?

Let’s start with all the bad, which ironically is just how this story goes chronologically as well.

Back in January, I swore that 2018 was going to be my year.  2017 had been pretty terrible and I was absolutely desperate for some silver lining action.  The universe cackled.

We received a notice that the home we lived in (which had been in foreclosure for some time) was finally, super officially bank owned and they wanted us out.  Which, yes, we knew it was coming, however no matter how hard we tried, we just could not find a house that would work for us within our budget.  Hands down, the most stressful situation, especially considering we have kids and animals and a whole life.  10/10 do not recommend.

If that wasn’t bad enough, the following night my grandmother called to tell me that my grandfather wasn’t doing well.  She was going to spend the night with him because they were convinced that this was it.  It was his time.  So, I trekked to the nursing home and sat with my grandmother and aunt as we waited.

Now to add insight, my grandparents are two of the most important people in my life.  They’ve played a huge role in my existence and I’ve literally spent my entire life dreading the day when I didn’t have them any longer.  I knew that they were my grandparents and therefore would pass out of my life sooner than I wanted, but I couldn’t imagine a world without them.

So in other words I was living my nightmare.

My grandfather waited until the next morning when everyone left.  He waited until he was alone to pass.  He took a chunk of my heart with him.

I had assumed that when he passed, it would be easier.  He had Lewy-Body Dementia, and hadn’t been himself for a long time.  Which is weird, because you find yourself mourning the loss of someone who’s sitting right in front of you.  I honestly couldn’t imagine anything worse.  It had been a long, hard, emotional haul.  Some would say that at least he wasn’t suffering anymore, but selfishly I just want to go back to the way things were before he got sick.

After the funeral, my brain started to separate him into two separate people: him before his illness and him after.  My brain understood that the sick him had died, but in strange, confused moments, I imagined him well and sitting at home, eating his favorite snack while watching tv.  I still struggle with this.  There are experiences that I’ll never have with him again, and good God if that isn’t hard to wrap my head around.

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My grandparents and I on the day I got married.

 

Anyway, enough of that because once I get started, I don’t stop.

Fast forward a couple of months.  We still haven’t found a house.  We still can’t stay where we are.  And it’s time to get out.  Now here’s where I’d like to say we were totally prepared to leave and had everything packed and a truck rented.  We didn’t.  And though we are both guilty of putting it off, I couldn’t see past my own sadness to do what I needed to do.  And we paid for it.  We spent three days trying desperately to pack and move stuff out, and in the shuffle, so much was left behind.  It came to a point where I had to constantly remind myself that it was just stuff and stuff can be replaced.  I cannot tell you the last time I felt like such a failure.  It was hard.  So hard.

But!  We at least had some place to stay until we got our own home and we ended up moving in with my dad while we continued the hunt.  This meant driving my kids 40 minutes to school each morning and 40 minutes to get them in the afternoon, but seeing as it was April, I couldn’t see pulling them out of school for the last three months.  Not to mention this was a big year for Slugger since it was his last in elementary school.  There’s  a big party and gifts and a graduation.  I didn’t want to take that from him.  So, drive them I did.

Thankfully we eventually found somewhere to live.  It’s an adorable house.  A cape built in the 20’s, but in good shape and the perfect size for us.  The bummer?  We have to move out of state.  It’s incredibly bittersweet.

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Our little home

When I first moved in with my husband, I absolutely hated it.  We were in the middle of nowhere.  It took forever to get anywhere.  Bugs.  Dirt.  Summer traffic.  EVERYONE KNEW EACH OTHER BUT ME.  But after 12 years,  it grew on me.

My kids went to an amazing school.  Their class sizes were tiny, so they got all the help they ever needed.  We made friends.  My kids played sports.  I acclimated.

So now we leave for the suburbs, which is all I ever wanted, but a part of my heart will remain in that little town in the middle of nowhere.

Trust me though, it will not be hard to get used to having EVERYTHING within walking distance. (Almost.  Sort of.  There’s an ice-cream shop and a diner with in walking distance.  Do you need more?)  I’m excited.  I am.  I just wish it had played out differently.

SO the point is, we are still fixing up the house the way we want it and have yet to move most of our stuff in, but once we do, I’ll be back on the grind, filling you in with our new adventures.

If you’re still here, I appreciate you reading as I pour my heart out.  There were tears shed here and it’s not always a pretty, happy, sunshine life.  I said I would be transparent.  Here it is.

I look forward to maybe, one day, being consistent.  In the meantime, thanks for hanging in there.

 

See ya later, Alligator and an Itovi update!

Guuuuuuurrrrrl. So far 2018 hasn’t gotten the memo that I’m expecting great things. It’s looking a lot like 2017 2.0. So maybe we’ll just call January a trial run and hope for the best. Who’s with me?

Anywho. Moving on.

What are we talking about today? My favorite topic ever! Skincare!!!!!! Here in Jersey, we’ve had some serious arctic temps so far this winter, but I’ve come up with a routine that’s keeping my skin baby soft. Most of my routine has stayed the same, but I’ve switched out a couple of things for some winter friendly options.

That’s the dream team right there. If they look a little battle weary and dirty, it’s because they’ve been working overtime. Now I’m not going to flood you with info, but I’m going to tell you a bit about each of these and how I’m using them to keep sandpaper skin at bay.

Now I’ve talked a little about Rose Ointment before. This little tub has been hanging around for over a year, and though we’ve obviously hit pan, a little of this goes a long way. So it will be a while before I have to worry about running out. (Although I would be lying if I said I’m not stalking the website for when this comes back in stock. Shhhhh.)

Now truth bomb: When I bought this I had little to no idea what I was planning on using it for. What I did know was that Rose oil is PRICEY and that this was an affordable way to get the benefits without breaking bank.

Originally I thought this was perfect for healing summer feet. You know, after wearing flipflops all summer, things down there be looking dry and scaley. But using this for just my feet seemed crazy beans. Once they started looking better, this jar sat around. So I started getting creative and loved the results!

Chapped lips (leave on overnight for an awesome lip mask!), booboos, chub rub (I know you know) and everything in between. This has been a life saver. Oh, and if by chance you get a patch of aligator skin from the cold? Yup. That too.

Loooooook at that thick, creamy goodness! I will say, the Sandalwood Moisturizing Cream INTIMIDATED ME. Again, Sandalwood is pricey and this cream, while being more reasonably priced than the oil, was up there in price with some of the “luxury” brands. I splurged on this and then immediately decided it was heavier than what my skin required. So it sat.

Fast forward to me running out of my ART Light Moisturizer. I didn’t want to order more because I knew this jar was sitting and it felt super wasteful not to use it. Best. Decision. Ever. This stuff is the bomb.com. It IS heavy, so I literally just dip a fingertip in for all the moisturizer I need. I’ve been using this for about four months straight, twice a day and it’s not even half way done.

So what’s so awesome about this stuff? Well because it’s a heavier moisturizer, it’s perfect for the winter season. Usually when you think heavy, you think greasy, but that’s just not the case. This stuff absorbs quickly and actually has a matte finish, making it great under makeup. It’s like a primer without all the pore clogging side effects.

ART Sheerlumé. Yaaaaasssss. It might seem a little extra, but I put this bad boy on under my Sandalwood Cream. It’s light enough to layer but could definitely work as a stand-alone moisturizer. It is a skin brightening cream, so it works double duty while helping to correct my skin tone. Bam.

Ok. So I know most people don’t think of Coconut Lime when they think of winter, but goodness is it awesome. This body butter goes on after every shower and makes my skin feel like it went on a tropical vacation. But like, a moisturizing one. I know what’s in it, so I feel great about slathering the kids in this too. The texture of this stuff is amaze. It feels like homemade body butter without all the work. That being said, keep it somewhere cooler so it doesn’t melt on you. Been there.

And that’s it! I’m happy to say that thanks to these babies, I haven’t had any of my seasonal skin issues. It’s been smooth sailing and well, smooth skin for everybody up in here.

And now the moment you’ve all been waiting for. An Itovi update. Now this is long overdue. Especially since my original Itovi post is by far my most visited. It’s one of those devices that people are super curious about and want to research before making the investment. I get it.

Well Itovi has changed their app and report since I first received it. You used to get a number of bio points that requires support but they’ve done away with that. The readings now look like this:

So as you can see, they now break your recommendations down into three categories: Emotional, Environmental, and Physical. I will say that I do like this as it takes some of the confusion out of the number game. The bio points seemed to scare people a little. What I miss is the breakdown of how much each recommendation would support your issues. I do like that they now seem to give a little more information on the actual products that are recommended. So that’s nice.

All in all, I’m still totally blown away by the accuracy of the Itovi. When I took this scan, I was recovering from a stomach bug and not surprisingly all of my recommendations supported my digestive system. Still amazes me. Every time.

My own personal downfall? I always forget that I have the Itovi. So ridiculous. I know. But my goal is to try and scan myself regularly and use the data to better my personal health. So I’ll be sure to check in with that.

That’s all folks! Any questions? Feel free to comment below! Also let me know how you’re surviving these winter months. We’re in this together. Think warm thoughts, you guys.

Nevertheless…

The internet is a funny thing.  We see the best of everyone’s lives and then sit and compare ours to the snip-its they are allowing us to see.  I always thought this was ridiculous, but you know what?  I’m guilty too.

I’m guilty in that I absolutely compare myself to the girls with the beautiful clothes, perfect messy buns, gorgeous homes.  I do.  I wonder how they look so great all the time and how their lives are so shiny and beautiful and mine is just such a mess.

But I’m also guilty in the sense that I also heavily edit my life.  Now I don’t do this because I want people to think I live a perfect fairy tale or that I’m better off than anyone else.  Quite the opposite, I don’t want people to see what is really going on and think “Oh wow.  Her life is F’ed UP”.

But here I am.  I’m about to put all that out there.  I’ve put bits and pieces out there before, but if I want to truly expect people to know and trust me, than I need to show them all of me.

And getting to know someone who is never present online, well, that’s nearly impossible.

So here’s my thought.  I’m letting my hair down, you guys.  I want to be ME.  Not some polished, happy version of myself.  Listen, sometimes I get cranky.  Sometimes, I curse.  Ok, well a lot of the time I curse.  Sometimes, I don’t like things.  But that’s part of being a real person.  And I feel like those are all the things that I’m so afraid to convey on social media.

So what is the point of this post?  Well, firstly, it’s another in a growing list of “I’m sorry I’ve been absent” posts.  When I tell you my life has been in shambles over the last year and a half, that is no understatement.

We have had several health scares with family members, some more permanent than others.  From serious motor vehicle accidents, to surgery, to a completely debilitating disease, this year has not been kind to our extended family members.

On top of all that, the home that we are currently living in has been foreclosed on.  We have been house hunting for quite some time, as I’ve mentioned briefly before, but due to our lacking budget, we have yet to find a house that will work for us.  So right now, I’m packing to move into a house that I don’t own yet and we are desperately searching for something while the clock ticks on.

I cry most days.  I hide it from most, but this year is taking a toll on me mentally.  And I know I’ve talked before about how easy it is to shut down when you are stressed.  I do it ALL THE TIME.  But when you shut down and do nothing, sometimes you lose sight of some of the things that make you happy.  For me, my business is one of those things.  I love building my business, interacting with people, making relationships.  HELPING PEOPLE.  I love it and it brings me joy.  But I forgot.

SO here I am.  I am back for the hundredth time.  Be patient with me.  Know that through the madness, I’m trying like hell to get back to happy and back to my business.  I want to shed some layers and become just a little more real, a little more transparent.  Nevertheless, I plan to persist.

What I Do Involves a Dirty Word, But It’s Anything But…

How’s that for grabbing your attention?

It’s been a little while since I’ve posted, and I know, I’ve been heavy on the oils, light on the life.  Right now there are some heavy, hard things going on in my life that aren’t really mine to talk about.  So for now, I have to leave them be.

What I really wanted to talk about is that dirty word I mentioned.  I guess it’s actually TWO dirty words: network marketing.

Now I may have already lost some of you right there.  No one has good feelings about the term “network marketing” but really, isn’t any job network marketing?  We are bombarded constantly with advertisements for one product or another.  Marketing. To a network of people.  That’s pretty much the name of the game.  But for some reason, when you apply that title to someone like me, a person trying to make some extra money and provide a service without sitting in an office building working for a corporation, it becomes a yucky thing.

And I know this is because a few bad apples (ok, MORE than a few) have ruined it for the bunch.  We’ve all been to the “parties” that feel more like a shakedown.  We’ve all paid more than we should have for something that just didn’t work as well as we were promised.  And there are the dreaded moments when a friend we haven’t spoken to in a while contacts us and rather than having a genuine conversation, it turns into a sales pitch, or endless flattery to prove just how AMAZING you would be as a memeber of their team.  The only thing worse?  Is getting that same message or phone call from a COMPLETE STRANGER that hustled your number out of one of your friends.  Cold calls ARE NOT awesome.

So what am I getting at?

Well, I felt so much trepidation joining a “network marketing” company. I don’t like to be pushy. I don’t like harassing people into a sale. I will not approach someone with the mentality of “how can I make them buy…”.  I was terrified that I would be encouraged to do these things and all with a smile and a lecture about how our product is better than everyone else’s

Two years later, I can confidently say, this has been so much more rewarding than I could ever imagine. I am with a group of like-minded women. Some of them are long time friends. Some of them have BECOME friends. I am in a community where people are constantly cheering each other on (without pressure! Imagine!) and helping each other when things aren’t going smoothly.

I’ve never been one to “know what I want to do in life”.  I had the crazy, unrealistic dreams, but never a real purpose or direction. Then I had kids and they became my purpose. Which is great and how it should be, but I never felt FULFILLED. I wanted something for me. Something I could do and work at to better myself and my family.  I feel I’ve finally found it.

Now, I know you’re wondering “How much money are you making!? You must be killing it if you’re writing this post!”

Deep breath.  Stay with me here.  You’re going to roll your eyes, but know that I mean every word I’m about to type with all my heart.

I started this business thinking I would never sell.  I didn’t know many people and I’m not a salesperson.  I loved my oils and loved what they did for my family.  That was enough for me.  Whatever happened business wise happened and that was that.

Do I measure my success by the size of  my paycheck?  Nope.  If I did, I would have quit this months and months ago.  I never thought I would even GET a paycheck.  

I have focused my energy on making connections with the people on my team.  I’ve focused on getting essential oils into the hands of those who need them, whether that means friends, family, or acquaintances.  I measure my success off of my family’s wellness and my own happiness.  That is all.  If there is any money coming in, well that’s just a bonus.  

Now, are you always going to like and get along with everyone?   No.  There are people in this business that I don’t see eye to eye with.  And you know what?  That’s ok.  They still have things to teach me, even if that “thing” is teaching me how I DON’T want to run my business.  

So at the end of the day, I guess what it all boils down to, is that even I had preconceived notions about what this journey would be like.  And honestly, I was wrong.  Am I sitting at the top of the food chain in my mansion?  Not yet.  But I have made my family better, my confidence a little better, and I’ve also made genuine friends.  So if that isn’t winning, what is? 

 

 

 

Let’s Get Real

90% of having a blog (for me) is ignoring it because you can’t think of anything to write.  Truth.  But sometimes, something hits you in the  middle of the night and keeps you up while screaming “YOU HAVE TO WRITE ABOUT THIS!!”  That was last night, and this is me, tired but listening.

Now I’ve been pretty open about Slugger and his ADHD/ODD diagnosis, but what I’ve failed to mention is that I suffer from mental illness.  There it is.  Bomb dropped.  It’s out there.

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, 1 in 5 adults will experience mental illness, so I know I’m not alone.  Regardless, mental illness is still a taboo subject for a lot of people and therefor most people suffering aren’t very forth coming about their experiences.

So here we are.  We are talking about it.  I was diagnosed some time ago with chronic depression and anxiety.  Now, what drives me out of my mind, is when people say “Everyone is depressed.”  or  “The whole world has depression!”  Trust me.  They don’t.  But there are a lot of us.  Chances are you may not know someone in your circle suffers.  Let me explain.

Again, this is where I pause to say that what I’m about to talk about is my personal experience.  I do not speak for everyone; I only speak for myself.  I am not a medical professional.  If you are struggling with ANY health issue, mental or otherwise, please reach out to your doctor.

Ok, now that we have that out of the way…

I think a common misconception is that people with depression are “just sad”.  Which leads to a group of uninformed people who think that by saying “We’re all sad!  Just get over it!” magically, they’ve found the cure for depression.  But it’s so much more than “just sad”.  It’s raw.  It’s painful.  It’s all consuming and all encompassing.  It means there are days where, despite knowing I have a million things to do, I don’t make it off the couch.

I feel like I’m not good enough.

I’m not smart enough.

I’m not pretty enough.

I’m not funny enough.

I’m not skinny enough.

I’m NOT ENOUGH.

I spend everyday feeling all of these things.  When you couple that with my anxiety, I now also worry about how I’m none of these things.  And again, “We ALL worry.”  Yes, but this worry doesn’t go away.  This worry tells me I don’t belong… I don’t deserve… I don’t need…

On a typical day, I leave my house, let’s say, to go grocery shopping.  Easy enough, right?  We all have to do it.  Now where most people go about their day and get the things they need without a second thought, my trip is a little different.  My brain tells me I’m in the way.  I’m inconveniencing everyone around me.  I don’t deserve to be there.  I imagine everyone I come in contact with leaves thinking about how much of a waste I am.  How I can’t do anything right.  How I was in their way.

Now, rationally, logically speaking, I’m pretty sure most people don’t even notice me.  I’m like 80% sure.  I know this.  But in the moment, I cannot convince my brain that everything is fine.

I once had a therapist tell me:  “You know, it’s really self centered of you to think EVERYONE is paying attention to your every move…”

And I see her point.  But trust me when I say it doesn’t stem from self centeredness.  Quite the opposite.  It’s a serious lack of self esteem with a heap of depression and a sprinkling of anxiety.  Needless to say, I didn’t go to that therapist anymore.

So what do I do about this?

Here comes another disclaimer:  Don’t handle it the way I do.  Seek professional help.

I have convinced myself that because I know and can rationalize why I feel the way I feel, therapy isn’t for me.  I don’t need to talk things out to come to a conclusion.  I’ve felt this way my whole life.  Literally.  And I’ve had a lot of time to soul search and understand where this all stems from.

I also don’t want to take medication.  I know it works amazingly for some, but I’m just not there.  I’ve tried it once (I know, I know) and there was no difference really.  So I’ve just told myself I don’t need it.

Depression is a funny thing.  You have this illness that tells you how worthless you are everyday.  And then you’re expected to get help.  What those on the outside don’t realize is that you don’t feel like you deserve help.  There’s someone who “really” needs it.  And it can’t be you, because you don’t matter.

Pretty messed up, huh?

So if you’ve gotten this far, and you know me personally, you’re probably thinking “But, you don’t act like this.  You’re always laughing and smiling.”

Well, this is how I deal with it.

When I’m around people, I tend to be a little too loud, a little too awkward, a little too happy.  Because I want what any one else wants.  I want to be someone people want to be around.  I don’t want to be isolated all the time.  So I do and say the things that I think I should.  I bury all the things that are whirling in my mind so as not to be a burden to my friends and family.  And this is why I say you may not know that someone has depression.  We sometimes hide it.  We want to be happy as much as the next person, and sometimes you have to fake it ’til you make it.

So why am writing this?  Why am I pouring my heart out on a blog post that maybe 5 people will actually read?  Well, you always hear “Don’t compare your behind the scenes to someone else’s highlight reel”.  That seems to be a big thing with the invention of social media.  So, if it helps one person feel less alone, if it helps one person better understand their friend or family member…

If it helps one person, it’s worth uncovering my behind the scenes.

 

I Haven’t Dropped Off the Face of the Earth…Yet.

I have been seriously MIA.  You know how sometimes, you just let everything consume you?  That’s where I’ve been.  

It’s that tricky place where you know you have a million things you should be doing, but you just can’t bring yourself to do any of them. You know that the longer you put them off, the worse you’ll feel, and yet, you just can’t do it.  Just me?  I’m sure it isn’t.  

The irony isn’t lost on me.  I did an entire week of posts talking about how to conquer stress and here I am, letting stress immobilize me.  Talk about needing to take your own advice, am I right?

Truthfully, I had an entirly different blog post planned out months ago.  I even started it. But then things in my personal life were thrown for a loop.  A very close family member has been dealing with a degenerative disease, and though that’s not my story to tell, I am beyond devastated about what this means for this person.  It is impossible to put into words what it feels like to watch someone you love struggle and even harder when you are powerless to stop it.  I am very much a “let’s come up with an answer” type of person, but when there are no answers, then what?  

On top of this we had some issues with Slugger that have since resolved themselves.  But for a moment there, I was seriously pulling my hair out.  Little people, little problems.  I’m starting to have no-so-little people and I’m so not equipped to handle life.  Recipe for disaster.  

We’ve also been house hunting like mad. On a super tight budget. In New Jersey. If that sounds fun to you, you’re probably the type of person who also enjoys a swift punch to the face.  Seriously.  They should make a game show out of finding a decent, affordable house in NJ.  No one would win.  But you would see some really weird stuff in the process.  

If this seems awkward and disjointed, that’s probably because it is.  I wanted to write something just explaining where I went off to, but it’s impossible to do so without it sounding like boring, tired excuses.  So for that I’m sorry.  I need to give myself a kick in the pants to carry on, and needed to put this out into the universe.  I’m hoping someone out here will hold me accountable.  Just be all “hey, why aren’t you doing life?”  For real.  Make me do things.  

This is me saying “help me get out of my own head”.  No shame.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help, right?  

Whew. OK. That’s enough.  I promise to be more interesting next time.  Thanks for hanging in there.