My Secret Stress Relief

OK. So I’ve sat on this blog post for way too long only because I wasn’t confident in the fact that other people would be interested in this. But here goes anyway because the more I sat and thought about it, I was holding onto something that could help others and not sharing that seemed wrong.  Be prepared for some “woo woo” stuff right now.  You’ve been warned.

So the last blog post I talked about how 2018 has kind of been the worst year ever. And throughout the last eight months I’ve had a lot of people ask me how I didn’t spend that entire time completely freaking out. And trust me it wasn’t easy. But here it goes.

I’ve never been a particularly religious person.  Let me just throw that out there.  Where others would turn to a higher power to help them through a hard time, I never really felt like that was my jam. Instead, I am the type of person who likes to give my brain something else to do and something else to think about. So I decided that I would learn a new hobby, as complicated as that seems during such an intense period of my life. But I’ve talked before about how I am the queen of putting things off and sometimes that’s just how I keep from freaking out.

So during this particularly rough period of time I decide to do what I always do and give my brain something else to focus on. And honestly this kind of came out of the blue and wasn’t something that I had put a whole lot of thought into. But I decided that I was going to take up Tarot card reading. And I didn’t think it was something funny to take up or a cool party trick. I always found it particularly interesting and wondered if it was something that anyone could do or if you had to have any particular “abilities”.

Long story short, I was ill informed about what went into Tarot.

Regardless, I got myself a deck and started researching the heck out of this really cool (what do we even call it?) past time.

Now, know that I had no intention of falling into this stuff so hard.  None.  I just thought it was interesting and sooooo many people are so fascinated with divination for obvious reasons.  I think we all want to be able to peek behind the veil from time to time.  However, Tarot kind of had other plans for me, and soon I found myself head over heels in love with this awesome skill set I had learned.

Also, finding out that my essential oils went hand in hand with Tarot and crystal energies was an added bonus.  Because let’s be honest, I love my oils and what girl doesn’t love pretty rocks?

If I went into details here, you’d think I was crazy.  I’d think I was crazy.  I started to have experiences right away with these cards that made me think that maybe, just maybe this was a path I was meant to take.  The things that were coming up were just too big to be coincidences.  And I sat on this information for months because I was afraid of sounding like I had gone off the deep end.  Like, how do you even begin to tell people that you’re having conversations with your dead relative through a set of fancy looking playing cards?  Yeah.  Now you see my dilemma.  It.  Sounds.  Nuts.

Regardless, I eventually came clean with those closest to me and believe me, I expected a thorough talking to about how this was all nonsense and the Devil’s work and how I need to not mess with things I don’t understand.  BUT, that was not at all what happened.  My grandmother casually told me

“Oh, I believe you.  My grandmother used to read Tarot…”

WHAT.  Where was this cool tidbit before?

Not to mention, I discovered that my great-grandmother on my father’s side was a cartomancer as well.  She read playing cards in a similar fashion to Tarot.

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I mean, how beautiful is this deck?

So here I was thinking that this time, my family would surely disown me for my weirdness, but in reality, this is something that ran in the under current of my DNA all along.  How friggin cool.

So, now I’m at a place where, yes I am still growing and learning (tarot is one of those things where the learning is never really done) but I’m now fairly confidant in my abilities to read for myself and others.  I’ve been reading just about anyone who walks in my door (if they want to of course) and I’ve learned somethings about what Tarot is and isn’t.  At least to me.

Let’s start with what it ISN’T

First of all, Tarot isn’t something that is limited to ladies in comical halloween costumes or those with “psychic” abilities.

Anyone can read Tarot.  Just like any other skill set, some will be better than others, but it is incredibly inclusive and obtainable if you’re willing to put in the work and time.

Tarot isn’t “evil”

There is nothing intrinsically evil about a bunch of cards.  The messages in the cards are complex.  There’s darkness and light in every card.  Yes, even Death.

The cards aren’t the be all end all

Listen, I know we all want to know how the story plays out, but the cards are not giving you information that is DEFINITE.  Things change, situations are fluid based on your choices. You write your story.  Period.

 

Now, what it IS to me…

Tarot is like therapy

Tarot is like sitting down and talking things out with your best friend.  The cards are only going to tell you so much and how you interpret them is solely based on how your thought process works.  So for example, if you sit down to the cards and they say “something is coming to an end to make way for a new beginning.” and you say “Oh!  That’s talking about my relationship!”  The cards didn’t say that.  You did.  But maybe you knew that relationship was on it’s way out and the cards are simply giving you another way to look at the situation.  It’s way more psychological than psychic.

 

So, if this isn’t your jam, I completely understand.  I do.  But you might be surprised once you give it a chance.  ♥

What are your thoughts on divination?  Have you had a reading?  Would you like one?  How would we all feel about maybe doing some card pulls during Facebook Live?  Sound off in the comments and let me know!

 

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Nevertheless…

The internet is a funny thing.  We see the best of everyone’s lives and then sit and compare ours to the snip-its they are allowing us to see.  I always thought this was ridiculous, but you know what?  I’m guilty too.

I’m guilty in that I absolutely compare myself to the girls with the beautiful clothes, perfect messy buns, gorgeous homes.  I do.  I wonder how they look so great all the time and how their lives are so shiny and beautiful and mine is just such a mess.

But I’m also guilty in the sense that I also heavily edit my life.  Now I don’t do this because I want people to think I live a perfect fairy tale or that I’m better off than anyone else.  Quite the opposite, I don’t want people to see what is really going on and think “Oh wow.  Her life is F’ed UP”.

But here I am.  I’m about to put all that out there.  I’ve put bits and pieces out there before, but if I want to truly expect people to know and trust me, than I need to show them all of me.

And getting to know someone who is never present online, well, that’s nearly impossible.

So here’s my thought.  I’m letting my hair down, you guys.  I want to be ME.  Not some polished, happy version of myself.  Listen, sometimes I get cranky.  Sometimes, I curse.  Ok, well a lot of the time I curse.  Sometimes, I don’t like things.  But that’s part of being a real person.  And I feel like those are all the things that I’m so afraid to convey on social media.

So what is the point of this post?  Well, firstly, it’s another in a growing list of “I’m sorry I’ve been absent” posts.  When I tell you my life has been in shambles over the last year and a half, that is no understatement.

We have had several health scares with family members, some more permanent than others.  From serious motor vehicle accidents, to surgery, to a completely debilitating disease, this year has not been kind to our extended family members.

On top of all that, the home that we are currently living in has been foreclosed on.  We have been house hunting for quite some time, as I’ve mentioned briefly before, but due to our lacking budget, we have yet to find a house that will work for us.  So right now, I’m packing to move into a house that I don’t own yet and we are desperately searching for something while the clock ticks on.

I cry most days.  I hide it from most, but this year is taking a toll on me mentally.  And I know I’ve talked before about how easy it is to shut down when you are stressed.  I do it ALL THE TIME.  But when you shut down and do nothing, sometimes you lose sight of some of the things that make you happy.  For me, my business is one of those things.  I love building my business, interacting with people, making relationships.  HELPING PEOPLE.  I love it and it brings me joy.  But I forgot.

SO here I am.  I am back for the hundredth time.  Be patient with me.  Know that through the madness, I’m trying like hell to get back to happy and back to my business.  I want to shed some layers and become just a little more real, a little more transparent.  Nevertheless, I plan to persist.

Because I Have To.

So.  As the title implies, I’m writing this post because I have to.  Why do I have to?  Because I haven’t.  Duh.

I haven’t written anything in some time, and not because my life is void of activity or events, but because I’m terrible at follow through.  There.  I said it.

Also, I have to say (since I like to be honest here) my confidence has been seriously lacking as of late.  There is something to be said about putting yourself out there and hoping people like who you are.

“But you shouldn’t care if people like who you are!  Just be you!  You are special!”  That’s what we’ve been told growing up, isn’t it?

But goodness, it’s so much harder than that.

I don’t know who I am most days, or how to be sure of myself.  I (as I’ve mentioned before) struggle so much with the concept of making adult friends.  And I know I’m not alone.  There are many people who feel this way.  And especially after having kids, all of a sudden you turn into this MOM-BOT that only says things like “Sit down!”  or “Nice hands!”  and you go by names like “Mrs.  So-and-so”  or “So-and-So’s Mom”  and you’re all “Wait!  I used to by my own person!”.

Add to that mix the fact that my humor is, um, a little off brand to the mom world, and things just get even MORE awkward.  I can’t express to you the amount of times I’ve made a joke, just to have people’s eyes glaze over and their jaws slack a little.

I guess the point of this post (besides me once again complaining about how I don’t know how to life) is that I’m in the process of barreling through this weird, awkward second puberty I’ve found myself in.  Thirty is the new twelve.

So if you find yourself feeling similarly, at least know you aren’t alone.

That’s all.

If You Have Friends, Read This. Seriously, Read It.

young mom

So, today was Slugger’s first day of fourth grade.  And I found a baby snapping turtle in my yard that was just unbearably cute.  In other words, it’s a good day.

On that note, I need to say this post is going to be a little bit of a downer.  But it’s important.  And if you hang in there, you’ll be rewarded by finding out who the giveaway winners were.  Spoiler alert: I picked three people instead of two, because it’s a good day.  BAM.  Now don’t just scroll to the bottom!  I’m trusting you!

So.  Now that we are all gathered, I want to tell you a little about me.  Growing up, I had friends.  A lot of friends.  And I don’t say that in a braggy way, just in a “I was friends with a little bit of everyone” kind of way.  It’s important to the story.  My “Best Friends” included a pretty wide circle in high school.  And they were amazing friends, seriously.  I was a bit of a basket case back then and they all loved and supported me regardless.

Fast forward to the dreaded “post high school” years.  I knew going in that people branch out and drift apart, but I was hell bent on maintaining relationships.  And mostly, that was ok.  I was managing.

Now, I need to stop here and just say that I’m not finger pointing or accusing.  Things happen.  People change.  Again, I get that.  But let this post serve as a PSA for those in a similar situation.  Begin taking notes now.

When I got pregnant with Slugger, I was a young(er) mom.  I was the first of my friends to have a family.  Which wasn’t planned, but I was happy and content none the less.  I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I was prepared to take on the responsibility of raising a child with someone I loved.  What I wasn’t prepared for, was how lonely being a young mom really is.

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There’s me and baby Slugger.  All young and what not and it seems like a hundred years ago…

Any way, back to the story.  I was nineteen when I found out I was expecting.  Being the first to get pregnant made me sort of a hot commodity amongst my friends.  There was so much buzz and excitement and it was great because I could still go out and do things and we would talk about how weird it was that I was growing a human and someone was going to call me “Mom”.  Friends would binge eat weird things with me, because you know, when in Rome and all that.  Life was good.

Fast forwarding again, by the time I had Slugger, I was twenty.  Want to inspire awe and wonder in a group of early twenty-somethings?  Show them a new baby.  We had so many friends come to visit us in the hospital.  We felt super loved.  From there, there was a string of people to our apartment to see the baby, and people would invite us over to hang out with the baby.  And we were all about the baby.  Again, life was awesome.  I made a person.

Then things started to shift, ever so slightly.  Friends would invite me out to things that I just couldn’t navigate with a newborn.  I was forced to turn them down, and that sucked, but it was nice to be invited.  I would hear things like “Just get a baby sitter.” or “leave him with the hubs and come out with us tonight.”  I would explain how these options just weren’t on the table at the moment and hoped my friends would understand.  And I thought they did.

But then the invites became less and less.  I would see friends hanging out, doing things that I could have made, but was never asked to join.  I would ask and get replies like “Oh, it was no big deal.  You didn’t miss anything.”  But I was missing things.  I was missing my friends.

As the years, went by, I have kept some of the same friends.  Some have turned into people I follow on Facebook, but no longer really know.  It’s been almost ten years since I had Slugger and people are now having families of their own and “catching” up to me on this crazy path in life.  I would be lying if I said it didn’t hurt to see them hanging out with the new friends they’ve made.  I hope for them that their transition into parenthood is smoother.  That they’re surrounded by people in similar situations, walking the same path with them, not away from them.  I hope they don’t know the pain of being ostracized.  For feeling like you had to make a choice between friendships and your family.

I guess what I’m saying is this:  Be understanding when a new parent says they “Just can’t”.  They aren’t ready to leave their baby with someone else.  Or maybe they seriously just can’t.  One day they will be able to go out again.  When their kids have grown and developed into semi-functioning people, your friend can once again devote a little more time to your relationship.  It’s fast and it’s fleeting, folks.  Don’t make it lonely.

That’s not to say it’s all bad.  Really.  I love my family and have zero regrets.  I have a tiny group of friends now, but we are incredible close knit.  I have a bestie with kids similar in age to mine and nothing brings me more joy than knowing we can get together and watch the kids act like kids while commiserating and celebrating all that parenthood is and will be.  Life’s still pretty great.

So, now that I’ve said my peace.  Giveaway WINNERS!  These will be posted to my Facebook page as well, and I will be reaching out to the winners over the next couple of days.

The winner of the Free Bottle off the $20 and under list is:

Monica Eulo!

And the (now) two winners for $10 off your order:

Donna Iansito

and

Nikki Calfee!

Congrats ladies!  And thank you to all who entered.  Keep a look out, you never know when I’ll give more stuff away…